Life of Pi

Ham and Cheese have been pretty busy for the holidays. Cheese has just a freaking boatload of family that come and visit from all over the world, and even Ham has a few relatives that are only seen 'round Refrigerator on holidays and special occasions. But, like many families, they find some time amidst all the chaos to relax, decompress, and see a movie. This Christmas (as you can maybe imagine, Ham and Cheese aren't Jewish), they're seeing Life of Pi. In their world, though, Life of Pi is not at all a visually spectacular epic that is by turns gruesome and heartwarming. It's a horror flick, and it's just plain gruesome.

It's like "Taken" if Liam Neeson's character wasn't in the movie at all.

Baking Soda: Friend, or Foe?

There is a controversial member of the Refrigerator nation. His name is Baking Soda. Some think he's a hero, others say he's nothing more than a vigilante.* Ham's opinion depends on how close he is to reaching his expiration date. If he's close, things can get a little rough.

But someone has to be keeping an eye on those shelves, where condiments run amok and come nighttime the Tupperware gang rules the streets. And that someone . . . well, that someone is Baking Soda. In the end, even against Ham, he always prevails.

*exactly like Batman

Illustrations by Jill.

Ham, You're Being a Jerk

Sometimes, Ham gets a little arrogant. His cousin Prosciutto gets in touch with him (Prosciutto thinks that the only film festival worth going to is Cannes and the only champagne worth drinking is the real kind from France), or Ham gets too close to one of the Dijon brothers from the mustard family, and suddenly, he thinks he's too good for Cheese or a nice slice of whole wheat bread.

But eventually it gets dark at 1802 Meat and Cheese drawer (actually, all of the locales in the Refrigerator neighborhood are dark most of the time), and Ham can't see anything with his sunglasses on. So he takes them off. And that's 95% of being cool.*

*scientific measurement

Illustrations by Jill.

Ham, Bacon, and Jello

Once a year, Ham and his brother Bacon go to visit their mom's grave. Jello comes too. He might be a weird second cousin, but no one is really sure. They're afraid to ask, because they like Jello a lot, and if they find out the truth they might not be able to like him anymore.* Sometimes families are strange like that.

Cheese comes too, for moral support.

*Some people DO know whose family Jello belongs too, and they love Jello anyways. These are strong individuals.

Illustrations by Jill.

Cheese's Bully

We all face challenges in our lives, and we all have bullies. Cheese's bully is Nachos. Nachos isn't your usual bully. He doesn't beat Cheese up or call him mean names. No, Nachos is the kind of insidious* bully who is mean because he tells Cheese that he isn't good enough the way that he is. He thinks Cheese needs to be different. That Cheese should hang out with Salsa because she's hot or with Beans because Beans is intellectually substantial. For Nachos, Cheese just isn't enough all by himself, and that's a really difficult thing to hear. Worst of all, Nachos likes Cheese all melted down. Poor Cheese!

Ham's always there to reconstitute Cheese. They're pretty good friends, especially because Ham knows Cheese is great just the way he is. Though he doesn't mind hanging out with Mayonnaise and Mustard every once in a while. Or Spicy Mustard if he really feels like partying. But NEVER Miracle Whip.

*That's how they came up with Darth Sidious' name. BAM.

Illustrations by Jill.

Meet Ham and Cheese

Ham and Cheese are pretty good friends, usually. Here they are together:

They spend a lot of their time at 1802 Meat and Cheese Drawer, which they like okay. It's a whole lot better than living anywhere near Vegetable Drawer, which they've heard is a pretty rough part of town. Every once in a while, Ham and Cheese get in a bit of a tiff because their living quarters are occasionally cramped. Ham blames it on Cheese because he can be a little chunky, and Cheese blames it on Ham because Ham sometimes likes to have a lot of friends like Salami and Turkey and Bologna over to party. Cheese especially hates Bologna. He's a jerk. Surprisingly, Jerk Chicken is not a jerk, but he hardly ever visits because he lives such a long ways away. Jerk Chicken is also not very popular, but that's because not that many people know him. If more people knew him, he'd probably be pretty well liked.

Eventually all of Ham's friends leave, and it's just Ham and Cheese again, which is, at the end of the day, how they like it.

Illustrations courtesy of Jill.